Part 1- I’m An IdiotHave you ever done something so stupid that several years later you still get a sick feeling in your gut whenever you recall it? I’m not talking about something criminal or violent, but an interaction with another that makes you cringe every time it comes to mind. In my case it was made worse by the fact that I didn’t realize I’d done this stupid thing until two years later, then lived with it for a year or so before I managed to make it right at least partially. At the center of this internal controversy was the act of spanking. It fascinated me. It always had. When I was younger, these weren’t sexual interests; I’m not sure what kind of interest it was, but it was definitely there.Rosa and I worked together when our company was located in New York. We hooked up at one of the many parties we had for those that were following the company to Florida and for those staying behind. We only dated a couple of times in New York but started seeing each other more regularly once we’d moved south. I believe it was the comfort of friends in a strange new world that kept us together as long as it did because we certainly had very little in common, particularly with regard to music.We both liked music but for very different reasons and with very different tastes. My musical heritage is with rock music, everything from the Beatles to Led Zeppelin to Collective Soul as well as more progressive music like Yes and Genesis. Music is my passion as I also play guitar and drums, so for me music exists to be played and listened to intently. Admittedly, I could be quite arrogant about my music tastes and how much better my tastes were than ‘most people’s’.Rosa, on the other hand, liked dance music, disco to techno, so her primary reason for listening to music is to dance to it and she was quite a good dancer. Her attempts to teach me frustrated her as eventually I always ended up with an air guitar mimicking the lead guitar. For some reason I could never figure out, she also loved Barbara Streisand, which is what she’d play when just listening to music and while I’d acknowledge her amazing talent, didn’t like her songs or voice at all.Another area of seeming Bolu Escort incompatibility was regarding sex, of which we had almost none. Many times, I thought there would be, but it never happened. I’m not a pushy guy who constantly puts pressure on a girl to put out, quite the contrary, in fact; I’ve had girlfriends I lost because I wasn’t pushy enough. I was brought up with a strong sense of respect for women and that often translated into inaction. I would often misread signs that a girl wanted to move to another level unless they were pretty obvious.With Rosa, however, I don’t believe I was missing anything, and I was in fact trying to quite literally, ‘get in her pants’. We’d be kissing and my hands would be wandering, seemingly with her approval as she appeared to enjoy it and did nothing to stop me, but as soon as I’d try to open either her blouse or her pants, she’d stop me. Things would immediately cool down, and again, not being the pushy type, I didn’t question her. I just accepted that she wasn’t ready for it. It happened at least three or four times.One of the fun things about Rosa is the way she’d react to a put down directed at her or someone she liked. If she didn’t like what I said, she’d reply, “You need a spankin,” just like it’s written, without pronouncing the “g” at the end.“How can you listen to this music, Rosa? It’s got no musical quality whatsoever!”“You know, you need a spankin!”… or …“What’re you doing? You were supposed to turn at that stop sign!”“Don’t tell me how to drive! You need a spankin!”Now this obviously piqued my interest as any reference to spanking would, but having never spanked nor been spanked, I was still in that world of disbelief that people actually did such things and liked it. This will seem unbelievable in itself when I say that my reply to her would often be “Promise?” as though daring her to actually carry through with it. She’d just laugh and that would be the end of it.I’m not sure I can adequately explain why I didn’t pursue such an obvious reference to something I really wanted so badly. I can’t say that I didn’t know that people spanked each other in a sexual way; I did, but Bolu Escort Bayan I assumed they were very few who did, maybe not even really into it, but only acting that way for the benefit of their partner or for a movie, or something. And if there really were ordinary people who did this, I just couldn’t believe that anybody I knew could possibly be into something so far out as spanking. Therefore, this beautiful girl, which I’m going out with and whose body I’m exploring, if only over her clothes, couldn’t possibly be one of those people. I figured this was just a threat that her parents had used on her, possibly intended as an idle threat, and she’d adopted it in a funny way.I’ve just described Rosa as a beautiful girl, and she was. A bit taller than average with a slim body, well-toned partly due to the amount of dancing she did, and she dressed in a classy way that accentuated her assets. With a pretty face that she made up nicely, without overdoing anything, she could captivate you with her cat-like green eyes. Long, light brown hair, usually coiffed to perfection, framed her pretty face. She had small to average-sized breasts, but with her broad shoulders and dressed in a fancy sheer blouse that revealed a lacy, white bra underneath, she/they would still have your mouth watering. Long, shapely legs led up to a bottom that was, ironically, not her most attractive feature, at least in a normal sexual context.Everything I’ve been describing came together on what could be arguably called our last time together. We’d gone out for a nice dinner but didn’t feel like doing anything else, so we ended up at my apartment listening to music and drinking wine. It was a quiet and comfortable evening as we talked about nothing important while we sipped our wine and listened to some jazzy music. From Rosa’s point of view, the music wasn’t ideal, though I had carefully selected it so as to be the least offensive. This didn’t stop her from commenting on it, and after a few back-and-forth comments, she finally made a disparaging remark about it. She didn’t often give me this opportunity, so I decided to turn the tables on her.“You know, you Escort Bolu need a spanking,” I said with a smile. I certainly didn’t intend to carry through on the threat or go any further than the comment itself.“Promise?” she replied with a sexy smile. Thinking this was all just playful fun I replied, “Yes! I do!” Her eyes lit up and she took off running, squealing with delight. I took off after her, rounding the corner from my living room to the kitchen/dining area in time to see her run into my bedroom. Following her, I had her trapped in the corner between my bed and the outer wall. The only way out was across the bed and when she tried that I jumped on the bed to intercept. I managed to quickly manoeuvre her across my knee and started spanking! Well, sort of! Truth is, I gave her two or three moderate smacks across her bottom and pulled her up off my lap feeling I had completed the gag. She gave me a strange look I could not fathom, and we both went back to the living room.It took a while for the mood to return to where it was, and in fact, probably never did, but we did get to play the repeated scene where after a long build-up, I tried to get in her pants, and she stopped me. I don’t remember how, but we were lying on the carpeted floor. We were kissing as usual, and my hands were all over her body as usual and she stopped me as usual when I tried opening her pants.I’ll admit my memory on this is not entirely clear, and probably tainted by realizations later achieved concerning that night, but for some reason, I decided I’d had enough, and my usual gentlemanly reaction did not occur. I objected and asked why and expressed my frustration with the whole matter. She didn’t reply right away, but when she did, she didn’t answer my question; instead, she gave in and said if I wanted to have sex with her I could; she’d let me.Some guys may have jumped at that opportunity, but my respectful instincts kicked in again and I told her that I didn’t want to if she was allowing it just because I wanted it. I would have hoped she wanted it too. She tried to talk her way around that and even made a more sincere plea to finally get it together, but I wasn’t having any of it by that time. I suggested she leave as there was no way we’d ever get back to anything approaching a friendly mood, let alone a sexual one. She expressed surprise at this, asking if it was really kicking her out and essentially, I said yes.