Pam…
I tucked my feet under myself on the sofa as I watched Cal struggle for words. He had shown up on my doorstep tonight and I knew something was troubling him deeply. Seating him in front of the blazing fire I made us both hot mugs of tea and waited for him to unburden himself. I had known Cal a little over two years, working as a waitress at the same restaurant where he was chef. He was, to put it in his own words, “a bear of a man”…standing well over six feet. I also knew he was sensitive over his weight; he was well over three hundred pounds. Now there he sat, eyes stricken, as he stumbled over his words, making small talk and mainly avoiding the reason he was here.
“Thank you Pam for letting me in tonight, I need someone to talk to and well…maybe I should leave,” he said as he stood up.
Reacting quickly I replied, “Cal sit please, something is obviously bothering you. If you want to talk I am ready to listen.”
Cal hesitantly sat back down and as he fidgeted I sat quietly, waiting for him to speak. He ran his hand through his hair and in a rush it came out, “Pam? What do you think of me? What do you really think of me and please don’t sugarcoat it.”…
Cal…
Waiting for her answer I nervously ran my hands through my hair, almost getting up and leaving in tears because it seems like it is taking forever for her to answer.
I think to myself, “You stupid fool, you should never ask a question you know the answer to. You know she doesn’t like you in that way and now you’ve lost a friend too.”
As I sit there fidgeting, just wanting to get up and run away, Pam starts to speak, starting to say something, then stopping. I know she wants to tell me something but she doesn’t want to hurt me, I know this is one of the hardest things she has ever had to say. I look at Pam nervously as she starts to answer, picking her words cautiously. Now I just want to run away and hide, get drunk and forget this night. I tell her she doesn’t have to answer, that I’m leaving and I’m so sorry for causing her any trouble. Feeling totally foolish and embarrassed I try to get up, to go, but I can’t seem to get the strength to just get up and leave. Shaking, I feel the tears wallowing in my eyes as I think to myself that I can never face her again. I hear myself apologizing over and over with tears running down my cheeks because at this moment I just want to die!…
Pam…
I sit across from Cal, dumbstruck by the look on his face, the tears on his cheeks, the anguish in his voice. I realize I am hemming and hawing, making it much, much worse. Moving quickly I move to sit beside him, holding his hands in mine as he looks down, not meeting my eyes.
Trying to phrase it right I quietly say, “Look at me Cal, please look at me.”
He lifts his eyes and the pain in them takes me aback; this man in one sentence has bared his soul to me. I think back over the two years I have known him and I see a kind, gentle man, a man who is willing to go out of his way to help others.
“Cal, I love you in a very special way…to be truthful I have never thought of you that way…please give me time. Who knows what the future holds for us? Let’s take it slow, get to know each other and see where it leads.”
As he watches me I can see his doubts; deciding whether he should trust me or am I taking the easy way out? I know words are cheap, so I need to show him with actions. I need to prove that I truly want to be with him…Cal…for the man he is inside and not what he looks outside…
Cal…..
Lowering my eyes I feel her words cut my through my heart like a knife through butter, “God how many times have I heard those words? Where are those women now? Maybe this one is different, I know I have never felt this type of love before, it’s so strong.”
Sighing deeply I answer, “Sweetheart I will wait for however long it takes.”
Trying to stop the tears, my heart breaking, I think to myself, “How am I going to do this? How will I stop the jealousy when I see her with someone else?”
Holding my hand Pam asks what I am thinking and I respond quickly, answering truthfully, “I’m so lucky to have a wonderful and beautiful lady as my friend and I will always be here if you need me.”
Smiling through her own tears she answers, “I know Cal, I’m here for you too.”
I look into her eyes and smile, giving her a big hug and kiss and change the subject. We start talking about different things we like to do, but deep in my heart I feel a little stabbing pain. I laugh and joke, something I have learned to do to mask the pain. But this time it feels different, her look is different than the others…it’s there in her eyes. I see deep in her soul, I see the the sparkle and gleam in her eyes. Maybe I do have a chance?…
Pam….
As I held Cal’s hand I realize how much I have come to rely on him in the last two years. He is always there…a big, comforting presence whenever I needed him. I think back to the countless times I unloaded on him and realize how insensitive I have been. Have I ever thought just once about his feelings? He hugs me close and changes the subject, talking about the barbecue the restaurant is throwing for their employees. As we laugh and joke I begin to watch him closely, making a vow to myself to really get to know this man.
Walking Ordu Escort to the door with him I ask if he would like to come to dinner Monday night, as the restaurant is closed. He laughs as he sees the dismay in my eyes, I have invited a chef to eat my cooking! He smiles as he suggests that we cook it together and sighing with relief I say yes. Standing on my tip-toes I kiss his cheek and I gasp as he pulls me close and buries his head in my neck. Moving back quickly he mumbles he is sorry and says good night, leaving in a rush. Laying in bed my mind races as I try to come to grips with what has transpired tonight, confusion reigns in my head as I drift off to sleep…
Cal….
I scold myself as I start walking around, talking to myself, “Why in hell did you do that? Did you see the look on her face?”
The next two days at work seem to be fine, except I try too hard to act like I’m happy. I bury myself in my work while trying to figure out a way to cancel Monday’s date without hurting Pam’s feelings. Damn it I consider her my best friend and I need someone to talk to so I decide to go and have a good time. If nothing else I will teach Pam how to cook, not that she needs it, but it will also give me a chance to be close to her for awhile.
As Monday evening approaches I am very nervous; working alone in a kitchen with a beautiful woman is a fantasy and in my head Pam would be the perfect lady to fulfill my desire. I arrive at her house right on time, smiling, carrying two cheesecakes; one a strawberry-peach no-bake, the other a baked cheesecake, strawberry with a sour cream topping. I also have two pints of strawberries and whipped cream for a garnish. Jokingly Pam asks if I have special plans for the strawberries and I laugh, while thinking to myself, what a wonderful idea. Nervously I stammer out that they are for the cheesecake and immediately feel dumb, realizing she was joking.
Cooking dinner with Pam was a lot of fun, but in the back of my mind I felt like she was teasing me. The kitchen was small and we seemed to touch a lot, brushing against each other. There were a couple of times she pressed me for what seemed a long time and I was starting to get excited as we cooked. I was scared she would notice and kick me out, but she just set the table as I finished the dinner. As I was plating the food she said she would be right back and I almost dropped them when she reappeared. She had changed her clothes and pulling out her chair I quietly told her how beautiful she looked by candlelight. Nervously I sat across from her and as we ate we chatted, it was the most comfortable dinner I’ve ever had with a woman. I felt like we belonged together, that there was something special about her…
Pam…
Cal shows up right on time Monday night carrying two cheesecakes and I make a silly crack about using the strawberries for something else. Trying to cover I ask if he is trying to make me fat and I’m immediately horrified at my crass remark. Smiling he tells me not to censor my words but I feel like the evening is starting out badly. In the kitchen we begin the dinner and it is an experience; it is definitely a kitchen made for one and we are constantly in each others’ way. As the dinner is finishing I tell Cal I will be right back and going to my room change into a pair of grey flannel slacks and my new blue cashmere sweater. Leaving my hair down I come back just as Cal is dishing up the food and I can’t help but notice the look in his eye and it makes me a little uneasy. Lighting the candles I wait as he seats me, I began to slowly unwind as we enjoy the meal and each others’ company.
After dinner he helps me clean the table off and I tell Cal to go relax as I finish up. As I load the dishwasher I hear him rummaging through my small collection of videos. Coming back in I ask if he has found anything he likes and he holds up a thriller I bought a few weeks back. Bringing in dessert and coffee I place it on the coffee table, then move to put the tape in the machine. Sitting on the sofa with Cal we settle in to watch the movie and I feel like maybe tonight hasn’t turned out so badly…
Cal…
Even though the night started out a little shaky, everything seemed to go well, the conversation was interesting and I could have sat there and listened to her stories all night. My god, did she look beautiful, the outfit she had on accentuated her body and the blue cashmere sweater matched her eyes so well. As we sipped and waited for the movie to start we chatted and she complimented me on the cheesecakes. She was sitting close to me and if I wanted I could have touched her hand.
As the movie started we sat back on the couch and like a teenager I slid my arm around her shoulders and was pleasantly surprised when she interlocked her fingers in mine, her soft delicate hand disappearing. I hoped she would slide over but I was too nervous to ask, hoping faith would step in. As the movie unfolded and it got scarier she moved closer and the next thing I realize she is cuddled close to me with her head on my chest and my arms holding her tight. Her hands were playing with the buttons on my shirt as my hands softly caressed her back, I even thought I heard her sigh.
Oh did Pam feel good in my arms and her soft hands moving on my chest made me feel like Ordu Escort Bayan I was in heaven as I sighed myself. It was a shock when her hand grasped my thigh and I tried to think of something else, anything else. I didn’t want her to know how excited I was getting but I also became more adventuresome as I softly caressed her body, forgetting the movie I watch her. She is lost in the movie and when her hand brushed against my crotch I almost screamed. It was hard to pretend like nothing happened as I felt my member hardening under her touch…
Pam…
Sitting on the sofa I serve the cake and coffee and then move to put in the tape, taking my place beside Cal. As the story started I immediately became immersed in the plot like I always do. I never even noticed as Cal put his arm around me and pulled me close. He was holding my hand and as the plot intensified I unknowingly squeezed his thigh with my hand. I felt him pull me closer but the story was building and as a climactic moment came I started and moved back, my hand brushing his crotch. To my embarrassment I felt him harden under my touch and as I looked, it throbbed and strained against his pants.
Horrified I stood quickly and blurted out, “It’s getting late, I think we had better call it a night.”
Cal stood just as quickly as he saw my red face and I saw the look in his eyes, the horror. He starts to clean up the coffee cups and plates but I tell him to leave them, I will do it later. He seems relieved as he moves to the door and mutters something about how wonderful it has been. I tell him we must do it again but I notice his eyes are focused on the wall behind me. After he hurriedly leaves I clean up and head for bed. Undressing, I stand naked in front of the mirror and look at my body, trying to see what he sees. Climbing into bed I keep moving back to the exact moment my hand touched him and how it felt, the hardness and I feel a wetness begin between my legs…
Cal…
After I leave her house I walk around, just wandering, talking to myself, “You idiot! How could you do that! She must think you are some kind of fat pervert now, watching a movie and getting a hard-on! Are you crazy!”
I walk home and enter my apartment and go to the phone. I dial her number then hang up thinking, “What are you going to say? What can you say?”
Shaking I pick up the phone again and call her again; it rings once, twice, three times and I figure she must be asleep.Hanging up I think that’s okay I’ll talk to her later in the week, that is if she will ever talk to me again.
“Cal what are you going to do with yourself? I ask myself if she realizes how beautiful she is? How kind, gentle and loving she is? She goes out of her way to make me feel good and I just wish she loved me as much as I love her. That is the hardest part, she could never love a fat person like me, no one does.” I lie in my bed crying, “This was just like all the other dates I’ve had, something always happens. I know your destiny Cal, you are going to die a sad, lonely, old man.”…
Pam…
I toss and turn as I keep seeing Cal’s face, the devastation in his eyes as he left and I knew I had to go to him, to see him now. Throwing on my clothes I drive to his apartment, not even sure what I am going to say or do but I know I can’t leave things the way they are. Pulling up to his apartment I sit there for fifteen minutes before getting the nerve to go knock on his door. I knock three or four times before I hear a noise and Cal opens the door…his eyes are red and swollen and seeing him like that my eyes well up. We look in each others eyes for what seems like forever but really can only be a few seconds before he steps aside and lets me in. Without a word he pulls me in his arms and I feel his shoulders shake as he cries against my hair.
My tears are falling too and he finally pulls back, “Pam forgive me, do you know how ashamed I am over my behaviour tonight?”
Standing on my tip-toes I wrap my arms around his neck and pull his face to mine, kissing him softly. I feel him stiffen before his arms tighten around me and his hand moves to the back of my neck. He pulls me into his kiss deepening it, then holding me close, his wet cheek on mine, he mutters my name over and over. I am overwhelmed by the depth of his feeling for me but even more I am shocked by the feelings racing through my body. I felt such tenderness for this man and yes, love…I’m not sure if it is the deep love that Cal wants but I know I want to explore our feelings together…
Cal…
I’m in shock as I see Pam standing at my door, looking at her and seeing her without makeup and her clothes seem to be just thrown on. She is as beautiful as ever and realizing we are just standing there I move aside and ask her in. I ask if everything is alright before apologizing for my behavior tonight saying it was inexcusable and with tears running down my cheeks I lift Pam and carry her to the couch.
I sit her on my lap so I could look into her eyes, I want to try to explain my actions but she stops me by holding a finger to my lips. She kisses me and I kiss her back holding her tight against me burying my face in her shoulder and crying. My mind is racing in all different directions and I’m thinking, “God does she smell good ,” and “It is incredible how Escort Ordu she feels in my arms”,all the time waiting for the “but”.
There always seems to be a “but ” in there, Pam is just holding me rubbing my head and softly kissing me, whispering in my ear that she loves me! I almost jump up and shout to the world she loves me but I look into her face, into her eyes and I see it. I see her soul and I lean forward and kiss her passionately pulling her closer to me as I run my hands gently up and down her sides.
“I have loved you from the first time I saw you and I was to shy to say anything but I have tried.” I whisper.
I kiss her over and over while her hand runs up and down the back of my neck into my thick hair, then without a word I lift her and carry her to my bedroom.
Slowly I start to undress her so gently, tenderly, as she whispers, “No man has ever treated me with the love and respect you do.”…
Pam…
Cal leans back from our embrace and carries me to the sofa holding me on his lap, all the time apologizing for tonight. Stopping him I kiss him tenderly once more and tell him he is very special to me, that I love being with him and that I want to be with him tonight. He looks in my eyes, soul-searching and his kisses get more frantic, more intense, his passion exploding. He picks me up and lays me on his bed and begins to lovingly undress me.
He pulls my sweater over my head and cups my breast through my bra, letting his big hands lightly squeeze and release. I lift my hips as he removes my slacks and shoes, his tenderness overwhelming me. He undoes the front hook of my bra and I hear his indrawn breath as he leans in to kiss each rosy peak. His mouth is everywhere, kissing, licking, nibbling as I hold his head to my body, my fingers in his hair. Lifting my hips once more he pulls my panties off and tosses them aside, his fingers tracing the soft hair on my mound. I moan deep in my throat as I feel his hands spread my legs and his mouth and tongue begin to pleasure me…
Cal…
I begin to lick her lips letting my tongue trace the lips lightly then letting my tongue slide through the slit where I find her love pearl and focus on it. Licking and sucking her clit into my mouth as my hands massage Pam’s breasts, rubbing her nipples between my fingers I gently lick and suck on her clit and her pussy. Letting my lips and tongue roam over her sensitive body, thinking of nothing but her pleasure, wanting nothing but to satify Pam and her needs as my hands slide under her and lift her to my mouth.
Pam arches her back when she feels my soft hands slide under her, she feels the flood gates start to open, the passions exploding in her body. Her heart racing, her hands grasping the sheets, then reaching for my head as my tongue expertly works her clit fluttering ,licking , sucking her clit into my mouth as I lightly nibble on her pearl of love. Tasting the first droplets of her being, her essence, I start to lick faster and harder as my tongue flattens over her clit rubbing it with a long stroke. My hands lifting her up slightly so I can get a better angle on her clit, my tongue fluttering as she moans and sighs. Her body betraying her mind, enjoying his wanton lustful tongue, his delicious wonderful tongue, her hand pushing his face harder into her pussy.
I just want to make her happy, fulfill her fantasy, be her lover forever, I want to be her knight in shining armor, I think to myself. Feeling her body tense once again, hearing her moans and sighs I lick faster, trying to make her scream in delight. Feeling my face getting wetter and wetter as her hands push my face into her, she grinds her hips as I lick through her slit on the velvety walls of her pussy. My tongue moves deep inside her as I keep licking and her body relaxes and slows down. She is trembling and shaking as I lick slower, bringing her down gently…
Pam…
Opening my eyes I see Cal, his mouth moving up my belly as he murmurs words of love and I just want to make him happy. I tell him it’s his turn and start to unbutton his shirt but he pulls back and I see the look in his eyes. Understanding his concern I turn off the small lamp, the room is dark now except for the the moon peeking through the clouds once in awhile. Sitting on the side of the bed I move to unbutton his shirt but he stops me and pulling his clothes off quickly he lays down covering his body. Moving over him I kiss him softly telling him to relax and enjoy what I am going to do to him. My mouth starts a journey down to his throat, licking and kissing as I move on. A small flick of his nipples and I move over his belly… I hear his indrawn breath and I smile, my hand tracing it. I hear his sigh of relief that turns to a groan as my hand finds his cock and my I begin to stroke it. I had read in stories about a “raging manhood” and here it was for sure. He was rock hard and throbbing and as my head lowered and I sucked the head in my mouth he moaned my name. My mouth lowered over him, taking in each inch until I had him completely inside. Cal was squirming and moaning as I started a steady rhythm on him, a quick assault on his cock as I knew he would come fast this first time. My hand kneaded his balls as he laced his fingers in my hair, his hands are trembling as I speed up. I realize he is ready and I pull up my hand jerking him as my mouth sucks, my tongue dances. A wild groan from him and I feel his cum, a geyser deep in my throat as he pulls on the sheets, his legs stiffening. He keeps moaning my name over and over as his orgasm intensifies then winds down slowly.