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***
Noel had learned from experience that a throbbing headache was one of the worst ways to wake up. He had no idea how he ended up there, but when he woke up he was in Owen’s bed nursing the worst headache he’s had since that one time he suspected meningitis. It wasn’t the regular hangover which usually subsides after a warm shower and ten minutes of meditation –this one was resilient. Water droplets from the shower banged a crescendo on his head so much that by the time he’d come out, the pain was much worse.
He sat in the kitchen with his forehead in his palm, and all he could think about was going home. He needed a big cup of coffee and a head massage, a hike and a joint, and most of all he needed to be as far away from Owen’s room as possible.
“You look like death.” David’s voice came from behind him, and he could only respond with a hum that sounded so much like a groan.
“Coffee?”
“Please.”
They sat in silence as the coffee machine worked its magic, and David waited until Noel had his first sip before he spoke. He should have waited longer, he knew that, but he wanted to address the matter while Owen was still in the shower.
“Uh, Noel, I hate to say this but we’d really appreciate it if you stopped pulling Owen out of band practice.”
“His request or yours?” Noel deadpanned.
“Well, mine. And also Carl’s.”
“In that case, thanks but this is none of your business. If Owen didn’t like me doing that, he’s got an exquisite pair of lips, I’m sure he can use them.”
His eyes were still focused on his drink when he got up and made to leave. He didn’t want to be any more impolite than he already was, and he knew that staying in the same room as David any longer would definitely push him to that point. As he was leaving, David stood in his path and stopped him with one hand in his chest. The abrupt cessation of movement had his brain sloshing around in its fluids much like the coffee in his hand.
“Listen here,” David’s tone was more firm, adding to Noel’s aggravation, “I don’t give a fuck what you two are up to in your own free time, but practice time is no joke, alright? It’s bad enough he’s been slacking, we don’t want you hanging around and making it worse.”
Noel pressed the tips of two fingers to his forehead and exhaled, “Okay, I apologise for being disruptive. It won’t happen again. Now, please…”
He tried to leave, but David stopped him again, more sternly this time, forcing him two steps back.
“Please don’t put your hands on me.” he enunciated.
“Don’t you think this has gone on for too long? You may fool him, but I know boys like you. I know what you’re up to.”
“I’m not up to anything, David.”
“Yeah, exactly.”
They heard Owen coming out of the shower, so both stopped talking. Noel shot him one last glance and took his coffee to the lounge, leaving Owen persistently asking what was going on.
“What did you tell him?”
“Nothing. Only what you should have told him a long time ago, which is stop interrupting our rehearsal.”
“If you’d have waited, I was gonna tell him that.”
“Yeah, do you even believe yourself?”
He started looking around the kitchen and in the fridge for something to serve Noel, but all they had were things he wouldn’t eat. He took a bottle of juice that had been there for a few weeks, sniffed it and put it back. Another one didn’t smell too bad. He poured two glasses.
“Whatever. When did we run out of fruit? I need to give Noel some breakfast and he wouldn’t eat any of this stuff because he’s vegan.”
David shrugged and checked his watch, “Dunno. Carl’s still at Target though, text him to buy some. He should be here in a bit.”
He took out his phone to text him, and heard David muttering, “Fucking vegan. He just keeps upholding his place as the biggest pain in the ass I’ve ever met.”
“Can’t believe I’ve been replaced.”
David smiled, and it made Owen feel slightly better. He mentally ticked ‘make David smile’ off a list of several things like, call Dad, buy Maddie a present, listen to the new Big Thief album, go to the gym; things he needed to do but was too preoccupied by either being with Noel or waiting for him to say they could spend the day together. He was simply shut out off the real world and living in fantasy exile.
Carl announced his arrival loudly, kicked the door shut and threw a box of strawberries to Owen. He came upon Noel half-lotused on the sofa with both hands cradling his drink, and he winced and whispered, “What’s Yoko doing here?”
“He’s hungover.”
“Can’t he be hungover at his place?”
“Can’t you be an asshole at yours? What’re you doing here, anyway? We’re not jamming until six.”
“I just finished a twenty four hour long shift, and I’m gonna crash here because I’m beat, and I’ve got two beautiful ladies who would slit my throat if I drove ucuz escort all the way to Morristown on zero sleep, okay?”
“Fine,” Owen put the two glasses, bowl of strawberries, and a pill container full of aspirin on a tray, “I wouldn’t suggest you sleep in my bed though.”
Carl feigned puking, and Owen laughed. He took the tray to Noel, kissed his forehead and apologised for what David had said earlier. Noel didn’t look well. He was burdened by guilt, and the headache was eating away the last bit of patience he had. If he knew Owen wouldn’t laugh, he’d tell him that his chakras weren’t aligned.
“I’ll apologise to David later,” he said, “I just really don’t have the energy for anything this morning and I shouldn’t have been rude to him when he was right about everything.” He paused to rub his forehead, “Owen, am I standing in the way of your career?”
“What? No! Don’t believe what Dave says, he just loves playing older brother. Look, it’s all because last week I forgot the lyrics, but you know what, no one even-”
Noel didn’t have to tell him to stop talking, he didn’t even have to gesture for him to do so. All he did was frown, and Owen stopped right away.
“Let’s make a deal, yeah? I’ll give you one week to, I don’t know, catch up, do your best, whatever you wanna call it. I want you to focus on nothing but your art, and then this time next week I’ll be right here. Please, meet me half way on this.”
It was a deal Owen would only gladly take if he knew for sure that Noel wouldn’t sleep with anyone else that week, but he wouldn’t dare ask, so he only nodded unenthusiastically.
“Good. I want you to meet my family, since I met yours.”
“In Tennessee?!”
Noel laughed, “No, we’re not going to Tennessee. I don’t mean my biological family, I meant the family I chose.” He picked up a strawberry, licked it, and frowned, “Is this organic?”
—
Owen hated parties. Nothing like social gatherings, small talk, and forced socialising made him feel like jumping out of his own skin. He was fine, as long as everyone promised not to pay attention to him, but when eyes landed on him, he could feel every beat in his heart and every twitch in his sweaty palms. The only way he could face the public was if he was separated from them by a guitar. Otherwise, he was a clown without his face on –no longer entertaining, just sad and awkward.
Noel held both of his shoulders, almost mockingly, and said in his humorous but reassuring manner, “You’re smart, you’re funny, you’re interesting, and you can survive this.”
Owen rolled his eyes, “If I agree with you, can we just go?”
Noel rang the doorbell, and then mouthed ‘oops.’
“Fuck, what do I say? Like, what are they like? Is there music? Do they like music?”
“Yes, of course. There’s also drinks and loads of drugs, but you don’t have to do any of that. Just relax. Be yourself.”
“You see, I never get it when people say that. Be yourself. Like, myself would never be at a party in the first place but here we are.”
Noel rang the doorbell again and tried to look through the windows, “You’ll be fine. Just, whatever you do, don’t tell them you’re a meat eater.”
“Damn, I always slip that into conversations with random strangers for absolutely no reason at all.”
The door opened before Noel got the chance to berate his snide remarks, and as soon as they were inside, Noel was pulled into a group leaving Owen to scan the place. From the outside, it looked like a normal house in Newark suburbs, but inside it was what Owen could describe as a “hippie wet dream.” There were multiple dream catchers on the walls, the windows were blocked by tapestry with kaleidoscopic shapes and designs on them. There were crystals, candles, bongs; everything was made to enhance a hallucinogenic experience. Faintly, quietly, in the background, Tame Impala were playing.
After acknowledging everyone, Noel lay sprawled on a pull-out couch, got his sketchbook out of his backpack and started drawing. His instructions to Owen, on their way there, were not to be within a five foot radius from him, and not to stand fidgeting in a corner. However, he didn’t say anything about sitting, fidgeting on a sofa, so that was what he did. He sighed, and pulled his phone out, just to pocket it again when Noel gave him a death stare.
The fifteen or twenty people in the room all looked familiar –he’d seen them at the bar before. One thing he was grateful for was that, apart from Jacob and JJ, no one recognised him. The most he got was one glance when he first arrived, and then they went back to drinking or chatting or whatever it was. He hoped that, if he kept his head down and his invisible cloak on, he could leave with Noel without having spoken with anyone, but that would have been too perfect. Out of nowhere, a girl came and sat next to him. She had short hair with feathers in it, a drink in a hand and a joint in the other, and she asked if he was the one with Noel.
ümraniye escort “Yeah? Uh… No. We’re not together.”
“I meant the one who came with him, Dummy.” She held her hand up to him –the one with the joint between two fingers.
“Sorry, I don’t…”
“Duh,” she giggled, and shook his hand “I’m Bree.”
“Oh… Owen.”
He looked around, hoping that no one had witnessed the catastrophe. Of course, Noel was snickering lightly behind his sketchbook, and there was someone else. At the other end of the room with his eyes fixated on Owen, there was a guy of stunning beauty.
Owen never really had a type. His choice in partners in the past was beyond physical appearance, but he thought if he ever had a type, ever, at all, it would be that guy. His skin was diaphanous white, contrasting with coal black hair, thick eyebrows and lashes adorning deep-set eyes. He had a strong, pronounced jaw bone and thin lips, much like Noel’s, and he had the physique of someone who could very well be on the cover of magazines.
As soon as they made eye contact, he raised his glass at him. Owen wasn’t holding anything in his hand, so he thought waving would be a good idea.
“Do you know Ivan?” Bree said.
“Who?”
She pointed covertly with her head.
“Oh, no, never seen him before.”
She saw him walking over, and got up quickly, whispering “Oh, shit,” but Ivan wasn’t after her. He made that abundantly clear. Pushing through people and furniture, his eyes didn’t leave Owen for a second until he was close enough to sit next to him.
He offered him a drink, which Owen politely rejected, then he offered to get him a guitar. Owen’s heart was in his mouth.
“There’s already music playing,” he finally managed to say. Ivan got in his personal space. He placed his finger under his chin and held it up, and a jolt shot through Owen’s body. It was similar to how he felt sometimes when Noel touched him, except there was an exaggerated, static shock-like spark. Ivan said “I’ll turn that off.”
As soon as there was a guitar in his lap, it was like everyone finally noticed he existed. He could only play two or three chords before someone started talking to him. He was the new guy. Fresh meat. Dumping ground. They all felt comfortable regurgitating their stories and opinions on him which they had already told to death amongst themselves. At points, he felt like he was having the same conversation with different faces. He nodded, smiled, used generic responses and facial expressions, all the while he was aware of Ivan watching him watching Noel.
He half listened to Bree, telling him about teaching swimming in Mauritius or some other place, and watched closely as JJ had two palms facing upwards, each supporting a pill, and Noel pointed to the right one. He stuck out his tongue, and JJ held the pill to him, moving closer and closer and instead of dropping the pill in his mouth, he licked his tongue.
Owen and Noel had agreed in the past that the days on which they belonged to each other, they weren’t allowed to be intimate with someone else. It was Owen’s decision, of course, and he went through a lot to get Noel to agree. That day, however, wasn’t one of those days. Owen had no right to get angry, but that didn’t stop him white-knuckling the guitar, wondering if pulling a string and strangling JJ with it would be such a bad idea.
“He is so annoying.” Bree said.
“Uh-huh.” He didn’t know which one she was talking about, but it felt convenient either way.
“Him and I were so close, you know, like really tight, but then he met Noel and now it’s like I see him, what, once every five blue moons? I mean you’d at least think that Noel’s quite the catch but seriously,” She looked around, the way his father did before saying a swear word, and she whispered, “he killed a snake!”
Owen whispered back, “really?!”
“It’s like… You know, if that’s what Jay wants, it’s chill. Can’t trust him, myself. Sorry I’ve been babbling. D’ya care for a toke?”
He held out one hand.
“What about Molly?”
Having conversed with so many people in a short period of time, most of which had generic one or two syllable names, he found it hard to match a name with a face.
“I’m sorry, which one is Molly again?”
She squinted at him.
“This baby right here!” JJ waved a small zip bag containing a few pills. He took one between his fingers and said, “open wide.”
That reminded Owen exactly why he hated parties. JJ and Bree were breathing down his neck, Noel and Ivan watched him from different corners like surveillance cameras, there was a pill of unknown substance shoved in his face, and he was supposed to accept it as if that were the norm.
“Gonna have to pass, I’m sorry. Early night and all.” He could only think of how proud his father would be.
“Ah, come on, dude we’re all fucking rolling all night!”
Bree sighed and sneered, “Oh my gods, he said üsküdar escort no. Lay off him.”
JJ shrugged and moved on. He mumbled something about Noel and where he “finds these guys”, but Owen was only happy to get rid of him.
From his spot on the couch bed, Noel smiled and beckoned him, and that gave him a rush of warmth. He abandoned the guitar and his companion, and hurried to join him, finally safe in his proximity where he no longer had to pretend he was a normal human being enjoying himself.
Noel buried his hand in his hair and pulled him closer. He pursed his lips around the end of a joint and took a long drag, and then pressed his lips on Owen’s, exhaling a cloud of smoke into his mouth. Owen’s first reaction was to jerk back, only to be held in place by Noel’s firm hand. The smoke scratched its way down his throat and windpipe, his bright pink lungs retaliated so violently that when the offence was over, he concentrated all his power to stop himself from coughing them right out.
Noel held his joint against his lips, urging him to inhale again.
“Are you trying to get me high so your friends don’t think I’m boring?”
“No, I don’t care what they think,” he patted him on the back, “I just want you to loosen up. Have some fun.”
“I am having fun.”
“You’re such a liar.”
Noel took his lips once again, in the middle of the room. Everyone was engaged in their own little circle, too high or too drunk to care, but Owen still couldn’t relax. He felt the bed sink, tasted marijuana and Malibu inside Noel’s mouth mixed with his innate sweetness, making him yearn for more despite his nervousness. When Noel paused to smoke, Owen noticed a figure in his peripheral vision, and before he could get a second glance, he was consumed by another kiss. Minutes later, there was a hand sliding up his shirt –a hand he knew for sure wasn’t Noel’s.
That wasn’t agreed upon. Noel mentioned drugs and drinks, but didn’t say anything at all about the probability of being touched against his will. He made a protesting sound at the back of his throat but it was ignored because whoever was touching him had proceeded further up his stomach, over his ribcage, giving his nipple a tweak. Owen flounced and stood upright.
His words were incomprehensible, as the jargon of thoughts inside his head. He didn’t know whether to give an apology or demand one. Ivan had both of his hands up, and Noel slapped him lightly on the cheek. He said “Take it easy, man,” and took Owen to the nearest empty room.
“Fuck was that about?”
Noel shut the door behind him. He couldn’t hide the grin on his face. “Just Ivan being Ivan. Don’t worry about it.”
“Jesus Christ. Does this always happen? Is that why you don’t want a boyfriend? Think it would stop you from having drugs and threesomes at rave parties?”
Noel laughed. He sat with him on a mattress on the floor. The room wasn’t much different to the rest of the house when it came to decoration, and not much different to Noel’s apartment regarding the scarcity of furniture. Noel took out a lighter and started lighting candles around the mattress.
“First of all, two people touched you above the waist at the same time, that’s not a threesome. By your definition, crowd-surfing would be a gang bang. Don’t be such a baby. Second, no, that’s not why I don’t date. It’s the same reason I don’t bottom, or have sex with women; it’s not something that I like. Don’t think too much of it and just go with the flow.”
They heard a knock on the door, and Noel said “I bet you that’s Ivan.” He was right. Ivan was asking if they needed anything, hoping that they’d changed their minds about including him in their session, but Noel took the drink from his hand and joint from behind his ear. “That would be all,” he said, and shut the door.
A spark of fire was caught in paper, and Noel’s face was ghosted behind grey smoke. He downed his drink in one go, and once again offered the joint to Owen. He looked at it tentatively for a few seconds then shook his head.
“It’s not bad for you. Trust me, nothing bad could happen. It’s not like alcohol.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s not the drug itself, it’s just…” he shrugged and ruffled his hair, “I tend to have unhealthy obsessions with things like this. Anything that’s potentially detrimental, I’m all over it, so I have to stop myself.”
“What about me? Do you think I’m…” he copied Owen’s voice, “potentially detrimental?”
A knock on the door stifled his answer, and Noel whined quietly, “Come on, Ivan, give it up. My boy only has eyes for me.”
Owen knew it was playful, but his cheeks turned red and his heart jumped. Noel took two long drags and disposed of the rest of his joint in an empty glass. With his voice squeaky as he held his breath, he said “this is pretty romantic, isn’t it?”
Words died in Owen’s mouth.
“Music,” Noel continued, “scented candles, mattress on the floor, it’s like we’re…”
“Newlyweds.”
“On our honeymoon.” He half-smiled and pushed him to lie back. Owen had a quick glance at his eyes and noticed that the aqua blue had shrunk and been replaced by jet black pupils, and it was then that he presumed it’d been the drugs talking this whole time. His shirt was pulled up to his neck and Noel was smearing kisses all over his chest.