We were a lot different, Tim and I, and perhaps that is why we connected so well. We met in college in the class with the most boring subject so the need for some distraction was there from the start. Like a young high school love we exchanged notes and talked for whole breaks. We added each other on social media and chatted at night were our common interest soon came up: sex.
And that was where we were different. Tim was a virgin at age 26, I was a 22 years old promiscuous girl. I had a reputation and I knew it. I felt like I deserved it, like it was some sort of accomplishment. It made me hated by the girls, which I didn’t really mind since I already couldn’t along with women since they teased me in school when my breasts grew a bit quicker than with most girls. With guys I could get along more easily, they were less complex, more direct and friendlier. Later, at the end of my high school career, I found out that guys were even more easy when sex was on the table. The only problem was: that was something I couldn’t give them, as I had developed vaginismus at my second boyfriend.
With my first boyfriend, Hugo, I lost all sexual firsts within a week. It was a great relationship and we had sex very frequently. Looking back I had about 3/4 of all PIV (Penis in Vagina) sex in my life in that 1,5 year relationship. Even though his penis was on the smaller side (which I didn’t know then) and I couldn’t orgasm yet, I had a lot of fun with him. I saw the sex as pure fun and a great way to be together. Almost like cuddling and in that regard it helped that he was fairly quickly too, so it never got to be really bothersome.
My second boyfriend, Arwin, was different as he was pushy. He wanted sex but most of all he wanted me to be satisfied. If I wasn’t in the mood, that wasn’t a reason for him to stop touch my vagina. He could get angry when he licked me for a longer while without me orgasming. After a while I learned to fake it, but I stopped enjoying it. With Hugo I couldn’t get to orgasm but when he licked me it still felt nice, comforting in a way. With Arwin it was something I wanted to get over with. Unlucky for me it didn’t end there. When we had penetrative sex for the first time it hurt but I thought I needed to get used to the size as Arwin was a lot bigger than Hugo. So I pushed through a few times but every time it hurt more and after a while it got to bahis şirketleri a point that there was a blockade. Penetrative sex wasn’t possible anymore and I had vaginismus. I lost my sex drive more and more because of that experience so we had close to no sex at all after that. Arwin didn’t take rejection well. That gave tensions in the relationship and in the end my he broke things off because of it.
In the end it was a relief. Looking back, my relationship with Arwin damaged me both physically (through my vaginismus) and mentally (through my thoughts about sex and relationships). It made me crave control in sex and I turned from relatively submissive to quite dominant. As I got to talk to more inexperienced classmates, who were so interested and curious about sex, I got my appetite back too. But perhaps it was more an appetite to male attention than sex per se. They asked me about how sex was and what I’ve done in the past and I eagerly told my stories, almost exclusively from my time with Hugo. After a while I realized that they masturbated while we were chatting but that didn’t bother me. To the contrary, when I expected it, I called it out and I reacted enthusiast when they came clean. After my relationship with Arwin I felt like a sexual failure, now I felt being sexually wanted. I needed that!
I was still a sexual person after all. Penetrative sex wasn’t on the table though because of the medical issues. I had trust issues regarding my vagina which crossed out guys fingering or licking me. I didn’t really like blowjobs and I was quite bad at them as I never got either Hugo or Arwin off with sucking. Which left one thing: the handjob. It was fun to do, not that difficult or energy draining and in the past I had it mostly when I was on my period. Now it got to be the main course.
I was 18 when I was in my last year of high school and it helped that my first few sexual partners after that were those horny high school boys that were curious and happy with everything. After we were chatting for a while I sometimes met up under the pretense of a friendly visit. But in their room the talk quickly turned to sex again and talking lead to practice. The guys were eager to get their first experiences and I craved their compliments and attention, their desire for me. I knew it was a bit of a unhealthy craving for attention but I reckoned that since I didn’t have bahis firmaları penetrative sex, the risks in regard to STD’s and pregnancy were nil so what was the harm. We both got something out of it we wanted. It was a functional arrangement that was fun for both parties.
My behavior continued at university and although the boys were older, usually it were still mostly the more inexperienced ones that ended up with me. I had a few more experienced guys but often that lead to them pushing for more, pushing for penetrative sex. I learned to avoid that type. At the same time I started using my powers for evil too. Why participate in a group/duo projects when you can let a classmate do your work, hours of work, in exchange for a few minutes of your time. It wasn’t always like that of course but still it happened.
And I got better at it. When at first it took me a while to jerk a guy off, practice made perfect. I learned to stop mimicking guys and find my own way. To talk a lot during, to start out slowly and move up the tempo from there in phases, how to show of my body more. I learned that some things, like talking, worked almost universally, while other things, like cupping the balls with some boys but not with others. Were initially I was always unclothed, I discovered later that often that wasn’t even needed. Usually a guy spurted after a few minutes.
And then I met Tim. He was a bit more shy but very sweet to me. Unlike me Tim had no experience at all. Like me he was teased in school and it made him very shy. He grew over that but he didn’t really know how to flirt, how to make contact with a girl to make it something more than friendly. He was friendzoned a lot. A few months before we met he dated a girl for the very first time. She was friendly at first but got together with her ex after their first date, which made him lose even more confidence. But still: at that date he had his first kiss.
He told me all that within a week of us meeting during an online chat. I appreciated his vulnerable attitude and openness. When the subject of our conversation changed to sex (which almost always was at our late night chatting sessions) he asked me all about my previous experiences, which happily told him all about. He was curious and excited about my promiscuous nature and my open attitude to sex. That was also the moment I told him about my vaginismus and ongoing kaçak bahis siteleri treatment too. He was then one of the few people who knew about that condition.
It took a few weeks more for him to tell me about the feelings he had for me. I didn’t have those at that time but I obliged him with a date eventually. We went for the classic dinner and a movie but it was awkward and his shyness returned. I think he put way to much pressure on himself and I felt like I had to work to keep the conversation going. It just wasn’t going to work out and I did what I usually did when I had a bad date.
He walked me to the studio I lived in and I offered him a drink. I settled myself besides him on the couch and I told him it wasn’t going to work out even though he was a great guy. Call me old fashioned but when a guy pays for everything during a date and he is friendly and it’s just me who’s not really into him, I’d still like to thank him for a nice paid for night out. “I really think you’re friendly but I’m afraid it’s not going to work out. I like you but just not enough in that way. I know it’s shitty to hear this and I’m still really thankful for the nice night out, so can I help you out?” He looked a bit puzzled to me and since I like to be direct and explicit I bluntly asked if he would like it if I would jerk him off.
His eyes got big but he nodded so I asked him to remove his clothes and although I usually resorted to a clothed one in such occasions something made me remove my own clothing too. Since he mentioned in one of our earlier talks that he liked pubic hair on a girl, I hadn’t shaved for weeks now, although that was as much about laziness as towards his arousal. I saw his eyes go all over my body, lingering for a while at my larger breasts.
I asked him if he liked how I look and I smiled while I thanked him, putting my fingers around his penis. “Just relax. Do you want to feel a little?” I said while I used my left hand to guide his hand to my breasts. While I got to a point that I got most guys off in about 3 minutes, he took a bit longer. Perhaps it was the nerves but later I learned that he trained himself through edging masturbation to hold off for longer. So I put out all my tricks, talking, cupping. I put his hand on my vagina and even though I didn’t feel much, I moaned a bit exaggeratedly. Eventually it ended the same way about every such date ended and he ejaculated in my hand, overflowing it to his belly. I walked to the kitchen to clean myself up, threw him my kitchen towel and thanked him for the date. I thought that would be the last time I would see him in my room.