Following the incomparable commercial and critical success of ‘Dear Cum – The Fools’ I have been inundated with letters requesting that I publish the complete April Fool letter. Who would have thought that the adventures of a virgin, perky, pokie, bouncy, sixteen-year-old debutante would be quite so popular? And everyone seemed very excited about that family-favourite game, ‘insects’, that she was going to be playing. So it will come as a huge disappointment that this week’s letter is from Miss Jiggly Tits, a minor character who briefly appeared in the smash hit ‘Dear Cum – Big Bugger’. Though whilst we’re here, and because the letter is certain to be interminably dreary, what is it with ‘insects’? Or come to think of it, wife swapping? Now I love ‘Wife Swap USA’ as much as the next saddo, though I do feel they should be using real people rather than actors pretending to be wild-eyed, brain-damaged, cunty-wipes, but I’ve spent a good few years training my güvenilir bahis spouse in his responsibilities so why would I want to exchange him for some grunting Neanderthal even if they’re guaranteed to have a cock bigger than an Evergreen Marine container ship. Now if there was a catalogue, or perhaps a butler to present you with a catalogue, that might be a bit different. “And what will Madame’s pleasure be today?” “Rogers (butlers are always called Rogers because they’re jolly rogerers, and if you don’t believe me ask Cunty the maid), Madame is in the mood for something in the bronzed continental range. Perhaps something Italian, all sultry sensuality, with sleek lines and sharp suits. Something with the silky smoothness of a cappuccino, the tangy vitality of a Limoncello, and the gluttonous hedonism of a visit to the gelateria.””How about this one, Madame? I believe he might meet your requirements this evening”. “Yes, Rogers, I do believe you might güvenilir bahis siteleri be right. That is just what Madame requires. Have him delivered to my boudoir after dinner, would you?” Yes, I think that would do very nicely indeed. Which means we’ve reached the point in this excruciating excrement where I have say ‘to the letter’ but I’m not going to, no I’m not. I refuse, point-blank and point-blank with tassels on. I’m going to do this instead: All you girlies remove your kitsSpread your thighs, expose your slitsLustful fingers on engorged clitsBecause here she is Miss Jiggly TitsBoys untrouser your squidgy bits Time for a quick hand shank blitzWelcome her with a cummy spritzThe one and only Miss Jiggly Tits Dear Cum-Twat,You fucking bitch! I had Big Bugger all set up, trussed, and ready for the kill when you stuck your big fat ass-licking tongue into my business. He was going to visit me in the park, bringing the moolah, and we were going iddaa siteleri to hold hands until the nearness of him made me feel faint and I needed to go home and lie down. After which he’d never see me again, the little dink.Now he won’t believe my carefully prepared story about my ailing auntie that needs expensive medicines, and I may have to actually fuck the sucker, if I can find his prick, that is. At least, as it used to be, it wouldn’t have been much of a sacrifice. As my sister, Tina Twattie, once said when fondling a not-so-well-endowed vicar for the week’s take, “Well, this won’t be much of a sin!”But, OH NO! You have to cum up with yet another of your patented sicko quack remedies for his tiny twinkie. You’re such a quack I’m surprised you don’t waddle like a fucking duck! You and your so-called advice column for that sleazy, ass-wipe, pre-pubescent, pubic-ation!And as for your meat-tenderizing tendencies – maybe that’s how you get your jollies, having some no-life stick a waffle up your wimple, but how the hell am I going to convince him that I like it! I’m as likely to barf as moan! Did you ever think of that while you were squirting all over my plans, you Awfully English Cunt?